Ah yes, the benevolent overlords of the DJ world have once again unleashed their latest wallet destroyer, designed to strip you of your last penny and leave you playing tunes in a cardboard box on the street. Who needs a house, a car or even functioning organs when you can have the latest and greatest DJ equipment?
Sure, you might not be able to afford rent or food, but at least you’ll have that sweet logo on your gear. And who needs a healthy body anyway? That’s overrated. Just hook yourself up to some dialysis and keep spinning those tracks. Who cares about living a long and fulfilling life when you can have a life filled with beeps, boops, and flashing lights?
And let’s be real here: if you’re not willing to sell your soul (and potentially your body) for the latest DJ unit, you might as well give up on your dreams of being a proper DJ altogether. Who cares about practical things like financial stability or physical health when you can have the satisfaction of knowing you have the most expensive equipment on the market? You can even tell people that you own a Pioneer unit and watch as they bow down to you in awe as you sit in your rain damaged cardboard home.
But don’t worry; they know what they’re doing. They’re not just continuing to price their equipment out of reach of the average DJ. No, they’re doing it for your own good; at least they are giving you a choice. You could always sell your wife on OnlyFans or start an OnlyFans account yourself to fund your new disco-lighted DJ unit. Who needs dignity, self-respect, or vital organs when you can have a mixer with 20 functions you will never use?
So go ahead and mortgage your future, your relationships, and your body for the latest and greatest. It’s not like you need these things anyway; everything is a meaningless concept when you can have an absurdly overpriced DJ enhancer with a plethora of buttons, knobs, and pretty lights stolen from a fairground Waltzer. You can even throw a party and invite all your DJ friends over to watch you play with your new toy as you laugh maniacally and proclaim your dominance in the kerbside DJ world.
Anyone want to buy my wife? fair condition, noisy in the mornings, occasionally emits noxious gases…
Written by: HMR